Grief hangover

I often tell my husband that I’ve got a grief hangover.

A while back I started to notice how tired and deflated I felt after doing something social. Social events tend to take up a lot of my energy, and so I go into overdrive and try my best to be normal, converse, ‘act cool’. All while knowing deep inside that I’m not doing okay and I really shouldn’t be here. And then I spend days afterwards just recovering and recharging. It’s a constant battle of taking the time to just do me vs. pushing myself to get back out into the real world. 

I thought I was a genius for thinking of the term ‘grief hangover’, but it turns out a million people thought of it before me haha

For me, a grief hangover feels like my mind and body are on critical battery. I feel depleted. I have a hard time concentrating. I operate at a slower pace. I feel heavy and hazy. I know I  need to recharge. And so, I spend the next few days taking it easy. I purely focus on rebuilding myself. Self care has been a huge focus in my life this year. Sleeping enough. Taking an extra long bath. Reading a book. And my favourite, watching trash TV. 

Social events are especially difficult for me. There was a point when I’d have a full conversation with someone, and once it was over, I’d be unable to recall anything about it. Recently, it’s gotten better. I don’t feel as drained after having a conversation, and I can actually remember them. A win in my books!

As the months go by, it doesn’t get any easier. Grief is a part of me, and it always will be. I need to continue to learn to accommodate it instead of trying to ignore it. I need to listen to what my mind and body need. It will be a continuous learning curve, but there is hope.

Zade is my whole heart, my most precious person, my star child. And if I have to experience grief for the rest of my life, I’ll happily go through it. Any time I think of him, I instantly feel happy and at peace. The best feeling.