Sternenkinder | star child

Returning to work was difficult on so many levels, especially having to tell all my coworkers what had happened.

News travelled abroad to our office in Germany, and messages started trickling in. One in particular made my heart smile. She said to me:

“In Germany you name them ‘Sternenkinder’ (stars in sky). 

With time you will find a way to smile again, without wanting to cry at the same time. 

Our stars in the sky shine down on us every night, sometimes brighter, sometimes less – but always in our hearts.”

‘Sternenkinder’, translated from German, to ‘Star Child’. A baby who dies before, during or after birth is affectionately referred to as a "Star Child’. My Son, Zade, is my Star Child.

The term is based on the idea of naming stillborn babies who “reached the sky, even before they were allowed to see the light of day”. Poetically said in my opinion. Using the term Star Child, instead of stillborn, takes into account the intense bond that the mother and father already developed with their unborn baby, and the long lasting grief that follows after the baby dies.

I love the term Star Child. I wish here in Canada we could refer to stillborn babies as star children. It creates beauty in the baby’s life, instead of sadness in their death. My husband and I built a beautiful bond with our Son throughout pregnancy, and still continue to bond with him in unconventional ways.

Did you know that in the late 1980s in Germany it wasn’t acceptable to see or touch your stillborn baby, your Star Child. You were expected to give birth and then forget them quickly. I could not imagine never seeing or holding Zade after birth. Single handedly my most precious memory.

Stillbirth is incredibly sad. As a parent, I’d love to refer to Zade as my Star Child. A phrase that spotlights his journey to Heaven. A beautiful reminder that he lives among the stars in the sky. A breath of relief that I know he’s shining down on us, that I know he’s always with us, always in my heart.